Thoughts from a 20 year old

Normally I try to think of something to write that God has been convicting me on or has shown me recently.
My method is simple: 1. realize the lesson I’ve learned, 2. ask questions to make others think, 3. lead those thinkers to a place where they can take what truth they find and apply it to their life.
Not always do plans work out. – and as a side note, that is sometimes for the best.

Today we will try something similar… yet different.
I’m trying to never claim to have the answers to the questions I ask you. All I claim is that I have, or am asking myself the same questions and I’m making changes according to my findings.
Today… I’m going to ask fresh questions. New questions. Questions that came to me today (from my own mind (which wanders quite often)). These questions stuck out to me today. I am asking myself these questions and I don’t have answers yet. But perhaps by writing this out and asking certain questions, I’ll be able to lead my thinking down a path that will shed some light on my thoughts.

So here we go!

Such a beautiful word. Or rather it can be.
But what does it mean?
What does it apply to?

A simple google search says:

 the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household
  1. an institution for people needing professional care or supervision.
    “an old people’s home”
 of or relating to the place where one lives.
  1. “I don’t have your home address”
  2. (of a sports game) played at the team’s own field or court.
    “their first home game of the season”
 to or at the place where one lives.
  1. “what time did he get home last night?”
 (of an animal) return by instinct to its territory after leaving it.
  1. “a dozen geese homing to their summer nesting grounds”
move or be aimed toward (a target or destination) with great accuracy.
“more than 100 missiles were launched, homing in on radar emissions”

Lots of definitions.
Yet where we stay, is that really “home”. Or is home the where the great phrase says it is:
“Home is where the heart is” -Pliney the Elder
Now as much as I agree with this statement I came up with an internal conflict within myself today over it.
You see, when I went to visit my family, in the “home” I had once lived in….
I felt like a visitor. They didn’t treat me differently, I just felt… out of place.
The hard part for me is that I’ve come to realize that family means a lot more to me than I had even realized. Would it not be logical to say that my heart is with my family? Then why did I not feel at home?
This lead to the questioning the old hymn that says, “…This world is not my home I’m just a passing through…”
Okay so Heaven is my home. But before we jump to conclusion lets see what Jesus said:
 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Matthew 6:21 – The Bible
Now this is the real punch in the face. Where your priorities are…. that’s where your heart is. Where your heart is… is where you feel at home. Home… is where you feel you belong. Where you belong … is where you feel comfortable.
The ultimate christian question for this blog post: Are you honestly living like Heaven is your home?
Now back to the questions.

So I personally don’t feel at home at my parents home anymore. Why?
Could it be that my priorities are elsewhere?
Maybe in wherever God is leading me?
Or maybe there is some biblical explanation … or future explanation to this.
“For this reason… a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife….”
Perhaps even though my family is dear to me and I treasure them more now than ever… perhaps my spirit is preparing or is acknowledging that my time to build my own family is coming up.
Perhaps… perhaps not.

I’m left at a horrible dispute now whether or not I feel my heart is.
Am I at this peace, and know my home is in God’s arms that I cannot feel at “home” anywhere else?
Or is it the way I was created that now that I have left my “home”, my family, that the way I was created is seeking to build my “home”, my future family.
Both are possible.

Either way this is far from a simple answer and will require much thought and meditation on before I feel like I have an answer to my own questions.

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