To the lonely, depressed, & rejected

Dear reader,

Today I want to address the people that fall into the lonely, depressed, rejected category.

I’m going to state right now that I can, yet can’t relate to what you’re going through.
As I open up here and share somethings about myself to help relate to you, I can honestly say I haven’t been as affected in these areas as some of you. You’re fighting a tough fight. How do I know, when I don’t know what you’re going through? Because my little battles in your field tell me that its a tough fight.

Ever since I was young I’ve dealt with being lonely. Some of you reading right now know exactly what I’m talking about. You can be in a crowded room, full of people you know, and yet feel alone. You can be with your friends and be doing great… then when they leave, you’re feeling low, and all alone.
Its not easy being alone. Or rather feeling alone.

It might sound preachy, and it kinda is… but it is a motivational thing I have to remind myself all the time.
“You are not alone.”
See no matter where I go, I know I have family, and close friends who love me. Who, if they knew I was lonely, would (if they could) show up at my door and just be there with me.

But not everyone realizes you’re lonely. Not everyone understands that sometimes you just need a hug, and someone to just be there.

Our culture is so bent on being perfect and hiding our flaws, especially in churches. I’m sorry if this offends you, but its rather funny. The hypocritical environment of, “cast your cares upon Jesus”, “We are all sinners”, “only Jesus is perfect”…. then making people who have flaws feel ashamed is ridiculous. Almost slap me silly, laugh till you cry thinking this is a joke funny…. but its not.

So I’m dropping my walls.
I’m going to be upfront about somethings that I deal with that not many people may realize I deal with.
Why? Cause the “good” preacher’s kid, is human to.

My loneliness that I have developed isn’t helped by my personality factors.
I’m an extrovert, which means I get energy from people. I feel alive around others. When people are gone my energy drains. On top of that I’m generally shy until you get to know me. So walking up and making myself part of the group is a rarity for me. Generally I wait for the invite. I want to feel wanted.

With loneliness comes slight depression. I’ve never been diagnosed with depression, and I don’t care to have a doctor tell me to jack up my body with hormones to make me feel normal. My depression is not severe.
Am I always happy? No. I can be sad quite often.
The difference is I know I’m only in this stage for a short period of time. Either till I hang out with people who are a part of my life in meaningful ways, or till I focus on God.

See part of my issue is this hole in my life. It is a God shaped hole that only Jesus, Yahweh, can fill.
When I focus on Him, He will pull me through all events. I may be sad, depressed, and feel lonely till I am out of it, but He will never leave me.

On top of these loneliness, and depression feelings comes the thoughts that people reject you for whatever reason.

Rejection hurts. If you don’t think so you haven’t lived life.
People will fail you. They will reject you. Its part of life.
The hard part is not letting get to you. – Hey I’m preaching to myself as much as you. I have the same struggle.

I take things personally. I always try to be friendly, kind, and sweat. Why? Because that is how my mommy & daddy raised me. But sometimes the nicest people you know are the ones who get hurt the easiest.
And it is hard not to feel rejected when people don’t seem interested in learning about you.

As humans we love having the center of interest be us, (unless you are one of those people that hate being in the spotlight). I personally struggle with wanting to be the center of attention. When I was fairly young (10-12) I wanted to be a ninja, and avoid attachments because it hurt getting close to people and then leaving.  I didn’t want to have to go through the pain all the time.
But after a while I realized I was killing myself with that mentality. So I developed the desire to have people know me. Sometimes I come off strong, or flood people with information about me because I want someone to know about me and care for me as a person.

Yet sometimes we meet people who aren’t interested in getting to know us. It can be either in furthering a relationship or starting a friendship.
Some people don’t click. Once you get around the world you will find someone that you just don’t “click” with either. Don’t blame these people. It can be for whatever reason.
What you need to remember and remind yourself is that, You are a unique individual who is worth getting to know. If someone isn’t interested in that, that is their fault and their loss.
Sure its hard because you feel rejected. But if you can, hold your head up, focus on God and remember that the poor individual who rejected you is dealing with their own struggles.

I can relate to feeling rejected. While going from church to church for nearly a year on the road you didn’t always feel welcomed. I also tried to make friends with several different people in my Jr/Sr high years that were never interested. As an adult I think it gets even harder. Because people get into life. Their careers, their hobbies, their families, and they focus on what is going on in their own little world. When a stranger comes along, not everyone is accepting and welcoming.

But shout out to all those people who welcome everyone, you guys are amazing.

-Though most of those people end up falling into the audience I want to address in this note. Because they know what it feels like. They have been, or currently are in these “sad” emotional states.

Then you have the people who will welcome you, and things seem cool. But what happens in life, generally people get attached. If you make a friend of the opposite gender generally someone will develop feelings towards the other.
If the other person doesn’t feel the same way, understand and accept that. You wouldn’t take in everyone into your arms to further a “romantic” relationship. We all have standards, wants and desires for that “romantic” atmosphere.

What I do find annoying is the mentality that we have that you have to move towards a “relationship” if you want to get to know someone of the opposite gender. It is true that you need to be careful, and watch your emotions when getting to know someone of the opposite gender. But how many deep friendships are you passing up because you’re not interested in someone? Everyone has a story. Everyone has a purpose and meaning to their life. Having deep friendships in life is a good thing. Take sometime and go hang out with someone and if you’re not interested in them becoming a “romantic” relationship of yours let them know but get to know them.

Talk to them. Become that friend that impacts their life for the better. Extraordinary people make the best friends in my opinion. If someone isn’t willing to take the time to get to know you, don’t judge them for it. Because God has a plan in it. But if they are just not showing any care towards even developing a friendship with you, then maybe they aren’t worth your time. You know? Pray for them, love them. But don’t base your happiness on what they think of you. Cause they obviously don’t care to get to know you. So move on. Find a better group of people that are interested in you for you!

– Sincerely,
A real human who has feelings. Who has been lonely, confused, depressed, rejected, and is not perfect.

David Sager


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