Over the past two years I have been on a deeper, introspective journey to discover more of who I am. Each stage of life bringing a new development and enlightened sense of self. The longer I pursued self the more I figured that I did not truly know who I was anymore. I began to sift through the sands of time to dust off what I claimed were my foundations. During this time I discovered the obvious truth of continual growth. Unless we live the same day through and through, never changing and never reflecting, we will eventually move from our current grounding and be a different person than before.
This in of itself is not a bad thing. For growth can be good. Producing fruit of it’s kind, and nurturing itself into something potentially beautiful. But shift with me for a second back to our minds. Deep into the mind I wandered, to places long forgotten and others that were unvisited. I found my self almost foreign at times as I questioned why I never questioned and tested my thoughts, beliefs, and conscience. Therefore I began to test my foundations, to make sure what they were grounded in was true, and sealed with my faith. Not everything came through though. I still hold to the Christian faith, and a good majority of previous convictions but not all. These still require a bit of refining.
The thing I did note, is due to my time of reflection I spent little to no time discovering the world around me. I turned to my mind as if all reality centered within it. Understanding that my own mind is far different than another’s I began to see the struggle as I found communication outside of personal reflection and growth and my discoveries increasingly difficult. I was alienated by my own actions. Drifting away on the seas of my philosophy. My time has been intriguing and well spent (according to me) figuring out who I am currently. If one gets the chance I recommend spending serious time reflecting on life. What better surprise than to discover your self as you are exposed to reality.
Reality changes the game. It is no longer the philosophical ideals that govern the mind but the practical life application that changes on a whim. There is no better wrecking ball to one’s philosophy and religion than reality. Reality strips everything down to Faith, Hope, and Love. Do you truly believe something even when it doesn’t make sense? Do you honestly hope things will get better? As for Love it tests it to see if it is real and will hold against the assault of time.
My dear readers, I am but a self centered man who is struggling with life as all of you are. We are at different perspectives and different philosophies. There will not be a moment on the imperfect time table to which all will make sense. Being bound to lay this out to discover that humans are delightfully intriguing when we deal with conflict of philosophy. We are in one sense predictable and in another we are not. Life in this fallen broken world is full of contradictions. It just depends on how focused you are on discovering the pathway to walk according to all who believe.
-go on peace, Shalom.
— David Sager